JOURNEYS Mennonite Stories of Faith and Survival in Stalins Russia, John B. Toews, 1998

ar and seven months old, came running. I picked him up and gave him to Heinrich in the car who hugged him and kissed him for the last time in this life. Heinrich turned to me: “Justina, stay with Neta and the children.” Then they left. Little Heini ran to the street. He was interested in the car and had no idea what all this meant. Deeply depressed we returned to the room where everything still lay scattered about. Neta wept bitterly and said: “Everything is finished! We will eat what there is, then we will die. I cannot look after the children, the cattle and everything else. I only want to die.” I too lost all MEMOIRS OF JUSTIN A MARTENS 61 courage. Inside me it seemed very dark. Everything was lost, including God. I [finally] told Neta we could not continue like this. With God’s help we could find strength and new courage and continue to work. Our despair only made it more difficult for Heinrich. Furthermore we saddened our heavenly Father who after all was a Father of widows and orphans. He would continue to help us. The fiends also arrested the brothers Johann and Heinrich Baerg. In Waldheim they were interrogated every night and physi¬ cally tortured. They were to renounce their faith. One day as they were being led to the toilet Heinrich Baerg turned to [my brother] Heinrich in passing, “What shall we do? If we renounce our faith they will free us.” “I will not renounce,” Heinrich replied. A few days later rumor had it that Heinrich Baerg was at home. Neta went there immediately. When she came on the yard she saw his wife standing there, her eyes red from crying. When asked if her husband was home she nodded and pointed to the room. Neta went into the house but found everything dark. She heard someone moaning and groaning and wondered what was wrong. She found brother Baerg lying on his bed crying. When she asked him what was the matter he said, “Neta, I would rather be where your Heinrich is. I could not resist the temptation to be free. Now I am home, but I am not happy.” Neta knew he had renounced his faith and by doing so joined the secret police. My brother Heinrich and Johann Baerg were taken to Melitopol where they had a difficult time of it. They were placed among the criminals and as Johann Baerg later ex¬ plained, these were devils in human form. They were like hungry wolves and when the prisoners received packages from home, they took everything away by force. When Neta brought food Heinrich only got a breadcrust, the rest of the food was consumed before his very eyes. He had to watch as they gulped down his food. When Neta came again they had been sent away. A Bernhard Fast from Alexanderkrone, together with a Harder and Friesen, was also arrested. They were all tried together with Johann Mar¬ tens. One day word came that the wives could come to say their farewells right after sentence was pronounced. All the women including Neta came. They were led into a room and tol