JOURNEYS Mennonite Stories of Faith and Survival in Stalins Russia, John B. Toews, 1998

workers were given some grain, mostly rye or millet. It was then ground on a hand mill consisting of two round stones. A handful of kernels were placed between these stones and they were then turned by hand. It was hard work and I could not do it by myself. Mind you there was not much to grind — only a small bag consisting of two or three kilograms. We had forgotten how to eat bread and there was just enough flour to make a soup. We threw in a few potatoes and a few dumplings. If we were given an onion or had some salt or traded some clothing for butter we felt rich. We ate the same food morning and evening. At times we had no salt. I went to the factory where they canned cucumbers and tomatoes and begged for their salt water, which I then poured into our soup. We lived without sugar for years — but its almost impossible to live without salt, especially when there is little to eat. A jar of salt cost thirty rubles and we didn’t have a single kopeck. We received no money for our work from the col¬ lective. We traded the clothes which we still possesed to Russians for products. Our Marta became ill in the winter of 1942. It was very cold and we had little to eat. She got St. Vitus Dance. They said her nerves were overwrought. Her legs and arms jerked incessantly and she could not stand still or sit down. We had no chance to take her to the doctor in Martuk twenty kilometers away. There were no horses, only oxen. Furthermore we were subject to the local commandant and could not go anywhere without his per¬ mission. Then too we had no money to pay the doctor. We watched as the poor child suffered and could do nothing to help. On January 1, 1943, all women up to age forty-six were mobilized including our Neta. Since I was forty-seven I could stay with the children. The women were separated from their children, loaded on to sleighs and taken away at sunset amid bit¬ ter cold. It was a tragic picture — the children clinging to their mothers and crying. They had already taken the fathers and now they took the mothers. One woman had two children aged four and six, another had three children under ten, still another had a blind father and a deaf and dumb brother. The children were all housed in an old school and two ladies who were over forty-six, and had their own children, had to look after them... . The women left with broken hearts. Their husbands had been taken, they had MEMOIRS OFJUSTINA MARTENS 77 been chased our of their homes and now their children had to remain behind amid these hopeless circumstances. Some wanted to take their children with them and perish together, but this was not allowed. We stood and watched the sleighs until they disap¬ peared in the distance. The trauma affected Marta severely. Her entire body shook and we took her under the arms and walked home. Things be¬ came more difficult. Marta became progressively worse and I myself became sick when I saw what the child suffer