JOURNEYS Mennonite Stories of Faith and Survival in Stalins Russia, John B. Toews, 1998

fourth place somewhat away from the table. My guard was excused. The interview was brief but intense. I was accused of agitating for emigration abroad. I defended myself and cited what evidence I could. They asked me if I wanted to go home. I was allowed to sit on the window-sill of the third storey and saw hundreds of happy, free people moving about. The most wonderful smells of May wafted towards me. They came from out there — from freedom - yet here my freedom or further imprisonment was being discussed. I did not want to sign the accusation cited under sections 58:10 and 58:11 of the criminal code. I finally did so with the notation that I was not aware of any crime and that the local authorities who disenfran¬ chised me, caused the calamity which I and others endured and were still enduring. When I returned to my cell Mr. Boldt wanted to know how things had gone, but I was very agitated and said I would be fortu¬ nate if I only received a five-year sentence. After his interrogation Boldt thought we might be freed and not exiled. I was certainly glad to hear such news and was overcome by deep longings. I was a young father with a family, yet kept under lock and key and always under guard. What self-recrimination and what dark thoughts occupied my mind. Naturally I tried to excuse myself and my actions. There I sat with my bitter thoughts, constantly watched through the small opening in the ironclad door. We were not allowed to lie down during the day, nor speak loudly, nor sing together. We only spoke in murmurs, cut off from the outside world by the high walls of the Pyatigorsk secret police prison. At night we were only allowed to get up in extreme emergencies and utilize the iron buckets. Then it was back to sleep on the hard boards. Dark thoughts enveloped me both day and night. It was a welcome change when the guard asked one of us to come out and wash the corridor with an old rag and a bucket of water. We tried to prolong this work as long as possible in 152 JOURNEYS order to enjoy the fresh air and apparent freedom .... We were completely isolated from the brethren Wiebe, Fast, Epp and Nikkei. All four stayed in separate cells. I and Mr. Boldt were subjected to a less severe regime .... After seven days of interrogation in the secret underground rooms we were reunited. They marched us through the well-popu¬ lated streets of Pyatigorsk in the direction of the “Pyatigorsk Insti¬ tute for Worker Training.” We marched through a very familiar city. As children our father brought us to the market, or we came here on important excursions with our teacher and had our lunch at the memorials to Lermontov and Puschkin .... I thought of my dream of freedom, of the frequent reassurances of Mr. Boldt. Yet here we were accompanied by an armed escort and the fright¬ ful noise of dogs. Little wonder I became discouraged. When we were again locked in prison the one-time ray of hope virtually vani