JOURNEYS Mennonite Stories of Faith and Survival in Stalins Russia, John B. Toews, 1998

came. It seemed like some¬ one had hit me over the head and that my knees were buckling. What to do? Where to go? I read Psalm 139:7-12. Today in 1968 its no problem to travel anywhere in Russia. We do not even have to take our passport. No one is concerned if you want to travel to the ends of Russia. . . . But then! How do you travel a long way with small children without money and without docu¬ ments. Even worse my name was already on the list of those fac¬ ing imprisonment tomorrow. Sorrowful and nearing collapse I entered my father’s garden by the back way. In a state of despera¬ tion I threw myself to the ground. Finally I took courage and went into my parents’ house. What was to be done? I could not go home and face my wife and children in this condition. My father was a man of good insight and firm resolve. After he listened to my story he suggested that as soon as it was dark our neighbor Jacob Reimer would drive our family to the station some eighteen kilometers away where we could catch the train the fol¬ lowing evening. We would then travel to Kleefeld in the Molotschna settlement where Anna’s step-parents, the Rosenfelds, lived. We agreed to follow this plan. My sisters Greta and Anna brought the news to my wife and, in all haste, helped her pack the essentials. I walked over to Jacob. In our lifetime we had only good neighbors and Jacob was truly “good.” When I was away from home it was usually he who looked after my family as if it were his own - and that for months on end. Even now there was not a moment’s hesitation about helping his neighbor throughout this night. Before evening I returned to my house for the last time to check on the packing progress. Anna calmly told me that she and little Annie were almost ready. The suitcases were packed and the foodstuff ready. We only needed to dress for the journey. There were no tears, no dramatic scenes and no anger. If it was possible to avoid arrest in this manner so be it. I led my horse out of the bam and hitched him next to Reimer’s one horse. We left at twi¬ light. There was no time for a long goodbye nor was it necessary. We kissed our oldest two girls and Lenie all of whom were staying with my wife's sister. Either we returned home or if that were not possible we would send for them. 158 JOURNEYS 6 It was my last goodbye to my home and birthplace. We left Nikolaifeld never to return. If we had caught the train in Suvorovka we might have avoided the long [night] journey. It was not possible since all the passenger trains were carefully controlled. I took my leave of brother Reimer, who long ago passed into eternity. Though he belonged to the poor peasants and was a member of the artel, he lived a difficult life and did not die a normal death. Five and a half years ago we had made our first journey to Suvorovka together. Then as the saying goes we were in “the prime of life.” This was our second trip together. . . . Like