JOURNEYS Mennonite Stories of Faith and Survival in Stalins Russia, John B. Toews, 1998

How we bartered! Unfortunately we left a sack of dried plums in Kleefeld because we had no idea of how valuable they might be. We ex¬ changed soap for potatoes though we really needed it ourselves. After all we too had to bathe ourselves and soap had not been available for a long time. At first we thought that potatoes needed lard, later we learned that we could live without lard. We even traded for butter and onions because we felt like eating something more substantial. We were alloted a small amount of flour each week but it was not enough to bake bread. It was only used for a soup which we made from water, flour and a bit of salt .... 74 JOURNEYS Winter brought such severe snowstorms that we could not see the neighbors house. It was no longer possible to walk about without felt boots. We ran short of fuel and began to trade our clothes for manure bricks. Some Russians were greedy and took our clothes without giving us much in return. Whenever there was a day without a snowstorm all the Germans went to the fields, shovelled the snow from the straw pile and carried a bundle of straw home on their backs. They were so happy to have fuel. If it was not too cold Heini and Marta came along and kept warm by running. The poor things sat in our kitchen like in some cage. The landlady complained the entire day about the childrens’ pres¬ ence and became very nervous when they spoke loudly or walked through the door .... We only burned [bricks] when there was a blizzard. When all our people walked through the village with their straw bundles we were reminded of the gypsies in the Ukraine who, during the winter, lived in the forest in tents. When it got very cold they came to us and begged for straw which they tied into a large bundle just as we were doing now. How often we thought of our former homeland! Now we belonged nowhere. We found it difficult to adjust, after all we had been born into completely different circumstances. In many ways it was an ab¬ normal, unrealistic world and perhaps we ourselves were no longer normal, yet we had to adjust to the asiatic lifestyle. The lack of food, the concern for our loved ones, the lice, which we could not get rid of — all this affected our mood. I did not know if any of our relatives were still alive. Actually we no longer cared about others. Our only concern was survival and that meant getting enough food. Our little window was soon covered with thick ice which only thawed in May. Our room became very dark. When the snow drifted over the window we sometimes sat in darkness for days on end, not knowing whether it was day or night. We had no lamps or candles and so we ate in the dark. Neta often visited her mother and sister who lived a few houses down the street. Sometimes we waited a long time for her and feared that she was lost. When she returned, she had to search for the door and shovel the snow away. On such days I sat on the Pietsch with Marta